Oceans

Me on a beach in Trinidad

I have been craving the ocean since the moment my family moved us from Trinidad.  Lakes could never cut it. I was disappointed by the Jersey shore, San Diego beaches weren't beautiful or the waters not warm enough.

Years of living in a land locked state made me itch with claustrophobia and the strong need to see and be by the ocean again. A few times after residency training, Randy and I were able to travel to Hawaii, but the trips were short due to money, leaving young children behind etc. The kids got to go with us once due to the generosity of my brother-in-law who'd accumulated a massive number of miles from all of his traveling for work. It was a special trip with his family and mine.

The older I got the more desperate I was to connect with the ocean. Rocky Point and Cabo San Lucas were simply cheap knock offs to me since the water was choppy and colder than I imagined it should be considering it was on the edge of a desert. It was difficult for me to see the overall beauty.

I am a self-admitted beach snob- how could I not be when growing up in the beautiful Caribbean islands of Trinidad and Barbados. I was so grateful for the time I spent in Dominica for part of medical school. Randy and I were able to visit other islands during breaks in between semesters. Antigua, St. Kitts, St. Maarten and of course Trinidad and Barbados. But, from Arizona, the Caribbean isn't a quick easy or inexpensive trip. I couldn't just pick up and go back home anytime my body yelled at me to reconnect to the saltwater and the sand.

New Zealand is the first country that I have lived in where the ocean can be at your fingertips within a short drive or walk. Driving to work, school, etc  carries down roads lined by views of blue, turquoise, green. 

I worry about being able to afford a house in this expensive part of the country, I stress about not being able to save more money quicker, but I try not to forget how blessed I am to no longer be living in a constant state of longing for an important part of myself.

Since I've been here my family have exclaimed many times about how much happier, healthier, calmer, more at peace I appear. How I simply glow. 

I know that it is in big part because I can be called to the blue and know that I can answer the call pretty much whenever I need to. 

There is something special about oceans. My Carribean spirit knows that.

I don't know who this Karen Blixen person is, but she has summed up my methods quite succinctly. 

When I feel restless, anxious, uncertain and need to get out of my head, I either head to the garage for a workout, put on some music and allow the feelings to wash through me and cry them out if necessary, or I go to the beach, or I do all three. 

How crazy that at age 42 I can casually say that I am just going to the beach for a bit.   It is easier to get to the ocean now in NZ than it was when I lived in St.James, Trinidad. So strange how the world works. 

Counting my blessings that I have all of my tools for self-regulation at my fingertips.