Quality over Quantity

On one of my first days back to a full work schedule I was chatting with a colleague of mine. We were discussing our Christmas holiday adventures. He immigrated to New Zealand years before I did, from the UK, and he has three teenaged children. I was telling them about my dad and stepmother being here for almost 6weeks by that point and how special it had been for them to have uninterrupted time with their grandchildren. He told me that he and his wife had often marveled at the fact that their children have experienced more quality time with their grandparents since leaving their home in the UK than when they used to live there, in much closer proximity to them.

After residency training on the United States' East coast, Randy and I decided to move back to Arizona where a majority of my immediate family resided so that we and our children could stay connected to family. I learned that just because you live closer to someone does not mean that it means you are going to see them often. I was working a lot and so were my parents and it was difficult to find the time to coordinate prolonged episodes of quality children/grandparent time.

This frustrated me. A lot. I was blessed with a childhood in which I was able to truly connect with my now late paternal grandmother and I wanted a similar relationship for my kids. My mother came to live with Randy and me during residency and she was integral to our ability to have two children during my 4 years of training, but once we all moved back to Arizona and she was no longer living with us and had returned to the work force, she was no longer able to be there for as many of the special little moments.

When my paternal grandmother was stuck in Trinidad because of the pandemic we were still able to speak with each other regularly and she was still able to interact via video with the kids. I saw how oftentimes I had more conversations in a month with her than with my own parents.

We must be intentional in our cultivation of relationships. Whether near or far, there is much we can do to keep bonds strong. Since leaving family and friends behind, I have come to appreciate how remotely or in person we can either strengthen ties or allow them to weaken and drift away.

I am grateful for the time that I was able to have with my father and stepmother and I am grateful for the time they were able to have with the children. We look forward to my mother being able to come for her first visit.

It's been so nice to see how much they get why we love this country so much and I know that they've gotten a peace of mind seeing how much we are not just OK but we are flourishing. They are making plans to come back and are determined to not let another 3.5years go by before that happens.