The common stories I wish I could stop hearing and the pure magical excellence I can't get enough of

I have an insatiable appetite for new knowledge. I desire to see the world as it truly is, even when that usually leads to me feeling disgusted or discouraged. This is not my first time being an immigrant, and getting on with the work of educating myself about the country I live in.

Over the past two weeks I have been particularly focused on searching for information regarding the process of colonization by the British crown here in NZ and how it has impacted Aotearoa's indigenous population, the Maori.

I was not surprised when I saw how the Crown enacted many of the exact same methods used in other parts of the world here- dehumanization, domination through political means, land grabbing etc. As I learn I educate my children because I want them to understand that every country has both good and bad. I am studying what efforts New Zealand has been making to mitigate the lasting negative effects of colonialism's past, such as health disparites and wealth disparities today. The governing body for my specialty has been vocally making tangible steps toward closing the gap in health outcomes between Maori and Pacifica women and that of Pakeha, European Kiwis. As a provider of Women's health, I have always taken it as a serious responsibility to actively do my part to close that gap wherever I am, for it is the same story, different countries in many ways.

Over the 8 months that I have been here I have been able to connect with professional Black women from all over the world. Some with Caribbean roots who moved here from the UK, some who also exited from the US. Some who moved here as single women with or without children and others who are married, with or without kids. No matter the path that all of these women took, there is an uncanny/unsettling similarity amongst us.

The same issues to overcome, the same fears and concerns.

Stories of racism, misogyny, the desire to find a work place where we could safely thrive, with a balance that allows us to actually enjoy the fruits of our labor, are always recurring themes in our shared stories. Fear for our children's safety and mental well being if they were to stay in toxic environments and the search for peace and security are always part of what fuels our migrations. The importance of belonging, not just fitting in, highly ranked in our list of priorities.

I have also witnessed such beautiful examples of determination, strength, excellence and vulnerability. We are leaders in our families, our workplaces, our corners of the world. We are passionate and capable and we exude a magic that cannot be extinguished or suppressed.

As I have said in one of my earliest posts in which I discuss The Why of my exit from the United States, I truly believe that there is no (or barely any) safe spaces in this entire world for Black people, Black women in particular.

We want it all, as any woman would want. The problem is that we are constantly being told by the universe that it may be too lofty a dream. We want success, safety, an environment where we can walk around in our skin without having to constantly trudge through the harmful forces that come at us because of our skin. We want to simply be, to live and to love. To be honored and protected. We want to laugh. We want to learn and grow. We want to fail because we were allowed to try. We want to be afforded the full scope of our humanity. We want the benefit of the doubt instead of always having the carry the burden of proof. We want to live in a world where merit actually matters.

Are we searching for a holy grail that simply does not exist? I know that none of the Black women I have met in my professional life, those in advocacy, those in medicine, those in law etc. None of them have walked around with any delusions or rose colored glasses. They, we, all navigate through this life with a determination and a refusal to accept less than what we know we deserve.

While I am weary from hearing similar stories of bad experiences and threatened joy all over the world, I also feel blessed to be amongst a sorority of the relatively small percentage * of Black women who have found a way to find their own agency, and overcome inequitable systems. That success has not come without a high personal and financial price, but I know that if we stick together and continue to work hard on dismantling those systems that got in our way, hopefully our sons and daughters could see that holy grail that we dream of.

So far so good for me here in Aotearoa. I have been able to breathe in my skin in a way that I have not experienced since leaving Trinidad, the place of my birth as a girl. I am under no delusion that conflict is impossible here as well, but I am grateful for where I am currently. I plan to continue to educate myself about this, my new home, and work hard to make contributions to this place so that more people, locals and immigrants alike, could find their piece of peace.

It is magical when our magic is allowed to shine.

* In the US, only 3% of doctors are Black women. There are similar stats for law and business as well as academia.